Stuff Your Bird

Thanksgiving is over, thank God. One miserable holiday done and gone till next year. Christmas is next. Im proud of myself. I havent thrown up in two days. Thats quite the accomplishment for me lately. Because Im very open, maybe too much, about my surgery and all its ups and downs, Im scrutinized at every fuckin meal.

All eyes are on Lisa, waiting for that look on her face that tells everyone at the table, that if I eat one more bite, im going to explode. My sister, the "Lapband Police", is on me like white on rice. That bitch doesnt miss a beat. Shes like a lion in the brush, waiting for her prey to make the one false move that gives the signal to pounce. And, pounce she does.

So, here I am with a full dish, that everyone knows I cant possible finish these days. I have my niece sitting next to me. Shes now the Deputy, by the way. Im eating, and eating, and eating. I know that Im beyond the point where one more piece of food will cause the alien to explode from my stomach. I feel my sister's eyes on me, waiting for me to glance up and lock on. Damn it! I looked at her and she shoots me the "Put the fork down and step away from the plate" look. To my right is my niece, who says" Sisa, you know your full". OMG!!!

I cant go to the bathroom during or after a meal these days, without someone asking me if Im gonna throw up. Everyone is monitoring me. Im surprised they dont come into the bathroom with me to make sure I dont throw up. Its my fault, I share too much. I dont why, I just do. I really need to break that habit. Actually, both throwing up and opening up.

My niece is worried that my esophagus will explode. She saw a documentary on TV about it and now worries that Sisa's esophagus will explode. I feel like a junkie sometimes. I havent learned anything from my lapband experience as far as stopping when satisfied. I just cant grasp that concept. I always want more. Again, Pat says its longing. Am I gonna be longing forever? That sounds so sad, like unrequited love or something. Im gonna be searching for something I will never have in my entire life? The thought of that makes me wanna vomit.