Reality Check

Damn, I hate being 46! I really hate it. Why is it that this is the age where you feel powerful, content, ok with your body and your sexuality?? Im not saying its a bad thing, but you also forget that you actually ARE 46 and not 26. It sux ballz.

Ive never felt so alive and sexy, than I do now. In my head, I feel 26, but my face rats me out. Dirty Bitch. I think I look pretty good. My skin is wrinkle-free with a few lines by my eyes, but overall, I look good. Youth really is wasted on the young. They dont know what the hell they are doing.

So, with this "I look damn good at 46" attitude, I go to a local bar with some friends to see a band play. The band played, took a break, and never came back. So, we hung out for a little. The bar started filling up with college age kids. Big deal, right? Im a Cougar. I'll blend in, have a drink, check out the cubs. Little did I know, my bubble would be burst by some young little punk with an attitude. Prick.

Im standing in this sardine can of testosterone and estrogen, when I turn around to tell these kids behind me to stop hitting the back of me. This little prick has the gigantic balls to say, "Its a bar, give me a break, its a 22 year old bar, WHAT ARE YOU, 45?" My fuckin head spun around like Linda Blair's, in "The Exorcist". I said, "Who the fuck are you to tell me where I should be at my age, you fuckin punk?" At least, he didnt call me fat. The Pea Soup would have blinded his ass.

If I had a penis, it would have shrunk up into my testicles. That comment, and I hate to admit it, will stick with me for a while. I hate that about myself. I take everything so personally. I hate that this kid's comment will stick with me for a while. Suffice it to say, we left there almost immediately after. I need to have my hotness validated soon or I will fall into a deep depression. Where's Bob when I need him?

I do love my young guys, still. Just not THAT young. They are nice to look at, but I do like guys my age as well. My taste varies. If you're mature and know how to handle your business, Im cool with that. If you're in my age group and are mature and can handle your business, Im cool with that too.

I did recently have a dalliance with a 22 year old. I gave in after he nagged me for days to go out with him. I had refused him because that was way too young and I told him that I would only be using him for sex. I was kidding, mostly. Of course, he said he didnt mind. It was flattering and he was cute. He didnt look his age and he had a good head on his shoulders. He was very driven and sexy as hell for 22. This boy had been around! He stuck his tongue out in such a way that made me feel like he wanted me on a plate for dinner.

It was a mistake. He was cocky. I gotta give him credit for his confidence. He was cocky and clearly thought he could impress me. He threw out lines that young girls would fall for like, "Omg, I'm hooked, you're so sexy. He was good with the talk. His body had no muscle tone. I dont think he was old enough to have muscle tone. He wanted to cook me dinner. Dinner never happened. I think I scared him off. I can be a little rough on people. I think he played me. Im not sure. Or, maybe I played him. I dont know. I hate the games, I really do. Oh, one more thing. Do guys really still say, "Whos your daddy"? Really? How do you answer that? I dont wanna be reminded of my daddy in that moment. Who started that, anyway. Needless to say, I never heard from him again. I didnt expect to. Maybe I should've told him who my daddy was.