Sticks and Stones

Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me. Who wrote that shit? Stick and stones will hurt and then you heal and forget about it. But, words will last forever. They are like the cockroaches of memories for me. I remember every mean thing that someone said or did to me.

All those mean words are seared into my brain and they are as follows: fat fuck, fat shit, waste, blimp, hog, whale, etc. You get my drift. I dont only remember the words, but every sentence they were included in.

I was at a club one night in the early 80's. Mind you, Ive always had a pretty face. I happen to pass a cute guy in the crowd and bumped into him by accident. I apologized and he looked at my face, smiled, looked down at the rest of me and said, "Oh, forget that." I felt like shit the rest of the night and kept that comment with me since. Another time, years before, I was about 14 years old and hanging out with our crowd and as all of us girls walked passed the boys, they whistled at us or so I thought. After they whistled, the made it clear that it wasnt meant for me by saying, " Not you, Lisa."

How dare I think that whistle included me? What was I thinking, anyway? Why would someone whistle at my 14 year old fat ass? Im 45 now and I can see that day as if it were yesterday. And, if I think about it too long, it can still make me cry.

Kids are so cruel. But, dont kid yourself, adults can be also. I was walking in a mall and a song was playing from Hall and Oates, "Youre kiss in on my Lips". I walked passed a couple of guys who as I walked by sang the lyrics as "My kiss is on your hips". I cant get a fuckin break. Isnt anyone taught about sensitivity anymore? I was always nice to the freaks. Why wasnt anyone nice to me? Now, I have become a hardass. It doesnt pay to be nice. People will shit on you if you let them. Nowadays, I'll shove those stick and stones up your ass and I have become a master at throwing words what will send you home crying and then to your therapist. Am I a little bitter? You bet your ass I am.